I knew this day would come. But I still wasn’t ready. Just over a week ago, we were swimming and snorkeling in the blue waters of Hawaii, all six of us ~ my four boys, my husband and me. And now, just three of us are left at home staring at each other.
It seems so surreal, kind of like the watching the sunrise at Haleakala Crater on Maui where we sat perched above the clouds in the freezing cold to catch the first glimpse of the sun just two weeks ago.
For the past few weeks, one of the twins would tease “Mom, we’re leaving you…we’re going to college.” The reality of it all crept up on me a few days before the first one left, then hit me hard when the second one left. I dreaded dropping our third son off because I knew how eerily quiet our house would be upon our return home.
These sunset views were some of the priceless moments we shared as a family just a week before everyone left home for college during our vacation on Maui.
Just three years ago we dropped off our oldest son at college, and I remember how hard I cried. I was still really busy with the three other boys at home, so although it was a big adjustment for us as a family, everyone eventually settled into their new place in the family order and went on with their lives. And now, the twins are gone at the very same time, leaving us with our youngest at home. I feel so fortunate to have one son left with us still because I’m not ready to be an empty nester.
I miss the noise, the activity level, the chasing around the house, the football throwing across the family room, the basketball bouncing in the house (FYI boys, both of these are still against the house rules), the wrestling and playful punching, the joking around, and the teasing. There’s far less laundry to do, a lot less grocery shopping, and a big change in the quantity of food I have to cook. There’s also less of a mess – no more books and papers scattered all over the kitchen table, and no more piles of shoes by the mudroom door. But, I miss the busyness of our household, and I never thought I’d say this, but I miss the mess.
It’s going to take me a while to get used to a very quiet house, the empty rooms and the extra parked cars in our driveway. I’m going to miss my older boys big time, but I know this is just the next stage in our lives and theirs, and that this is what they, my husband and I have been working so hard for all these years. This is the reason why I left my corporate finance job 12 years ago. Yes boys, all the nagging over the years about doing your homework, summer reading and math, preparing for your SAT’s, working on your college essays over the summer, getting paying jobs (and learning how hard it is to make a living), teaching you to do the laundry, iron your shirts, cook a little bit, and all the other chores has finally paid off. I know they’re going to miss my home cooking as much as I’m going to miss cooking for them, but they have promised me they’re going to eat their vegetables in college.
At the end of the day, I can honestly say we have done our best to raise our boys to be responsible, independent, young men who will hopefully make a difference in this world and make it a better place. I am so proud to see the young men they have matured into and am looking forward to seeing where they go next. As for our youngest son…you’ve got our 100% attention now, and we’re looking forward to spending the next six years continuing to hone our parenting skills (there’s always room for improvement), and giving you our undivided attention ;).
We wish our boys the very best this coming year and will be thinking of them often. They know I’ll be waiting to cook their favorite meals whenever they come home.
aww best of luck to your boys! sounds like you’ve done a great job of raising them…now it’s their turn to fly! try to enjoy the quiet and free time 🙂
Thanks Lindsay – being a mom has its challenges but the rewards are so worth it. Yes, it is time for them to fly and take their own paths!
Such a wonderful post Jeanette. I’m still several years from sending my boys off to school and I know it will go in a blink of an eye. Thanks for helping me appreciate the moment.
Thanks Liz – I can’t believe how fast time has flown by. I’m trying to slow down time with my youngest.
Such an awesome post – while my daughter is still home – I have often thought about how I will miss her when she does leave for college – I so totally understand how you will “miss the mess”! Good luck to your twins Jeanette and your older son too – here’s hoping the next 6 years go by in slow motion so yall can enjoy your youngest!
Thanks Shashi – I never thought I’d say I’d miss the mess, but I do. Of course, when they come home to visit, that’ll be another story. I am hoping the next 6 years go by slowly.
Good luck to your twins! Be proud of not just them, but how hard you have worked to raise them into the men they are today. Love the photos of Hawaii- I’ve been once and it was just beautiful.
Thank you Genevieve – I am proud of how hard they worked, especially the past couple of years. I’m just hoping I taught them enough so they’re ready for the “real world.” We love Hawaii – it’s our favorite place to visit!
Oh Jeanette this made me cry… I cannot begin to tell you in how many ways I can relate to this post. I am left breathless by the speed at which life changes and the deep loneliness I feel as a mom in these moments. Thank you for sharing this beautiful post full of love and all the best managing the transition, xx.
Kelly – I think we moms all have those moments and I know I’ve been having many of them this past week. It’s not easy letting go, but I know it’s all good. Best wishes to you – we just need to slow down the clock!
Such a wonderful post Jeanette, and one I can definitely relate to. Mine are both gone now and yes, it’s a transition. Hang on to the wonderful memories, be proud of the great men you’ve made, and look forward to many more happy (but different) experiences to come 🙂
Thanks for the encouragement Anne – I know we will be building new (and different) memories in the future and for that I am grateful.
Tears streaming…such a beautiful post, beautiful photos and a beautiful family!! As my oldest is now 15 and starting the college prep path, I see it really will be in a blink of an eye. SO sad for us moms….and proud. Really bittersweet is the only word to describe. Our 3 girls are spaced so widely apart (15,11,6) that we’ve all talked frequently what it will be like for our youngest when it’s just her at home. Bizarre is the only word I can come up with. Thanks for sharing your reality with us. 🙂 You are definitely blessed!
Hugs,
Denise
Denise – yes, it is a bittersweet moment in time and I do feel blessed. My boys are so excited about what’s to come and I am too, but I do miss them dearly. I’m just thankful we have our youngest at home for another six years.
Oh Jeanette, this is such a beautiful post – definitely had me in tears 🙁 You are one amazing mom and I felt that from day one of reading your blog how much you truly love your boys and your family. Although my kids are still very young, the thought that they will one day leave our home to go venture on their own is never far from my mind and I know I would miss them terribly too. Extremely proud and sad at the same time. Thank you so much for sharing with us – take care Jeanette and good luck to the boys at school *hugs*
Thanks Kelly – it’s definitely going to take some time getting used to our smaller family. I’m have a lot of trouble cooking in smaller quantities, that’s for sure. Hold on tight to your kids and give them lots of hugs and kisses.
Absolutely lovely (and heartfelt!) post Jeanette! My daughter has 5 more years in school until she flies the nest, and my son has 7. He tells me he is never going to move out of our house, but I have a feeling he’ll change his mind when the time comes 🙂 It sounds like you have done an amazing job raising your boys, and {like Anne says} there will be many new wonderful times and adventures to come…just different ones 🙂
EA – it’s is unbelievable how quickly time flies. I’m said that this period of time is over, but looking forward to all the good times and new adventures to come.
Awe!! This is the sweetest yet saddest post to read. My oldest started high school and I’m sad! I still have a few more years to see him off but I can relate to how quickly the time has flown by. I still have my younger two to keep me extremely busy and as much as I sometimes complain, I love the busy. Because when the busy is over, they will be off on their own. I’m so not ready!
Brenda – high school goes so quickly – enjoy your time with your oldest. I think we all complain about the busy – but secretly we all love it.
Awww Jeanette! Sending you a huge hug. I can only imagine how simultaneously difficult and exciting this period must be. You are such an amazing mom and all four of them are lucky to have you! <3
Wonderful post! It doesn’t get any easier, but it makes homecoming all the more special.
Jeanette, I loved reading this post so much. . ah, what I have to look forward to! I was a mess today with pre-school?! What am I going to do? I loved this: “I can honestly say we have done our best to raise our boys to be responsible, independent, young men who will hopefully make a difference in this world and make it a better place.” This is what it’s all about, truly. love this so much and wishing your sons a great freshman year!
I am right there with you, Jeanette! As usual, I spent all my energy helping my daughter get ready for college…and forgot to think how I’d feel when we got home. Needless to say it was quite a shock! I’ve been down in the dumps all week, but finally pulling myself out of that funk. My thoughts are with you!
Jeanette, I so enjoyed reading your story. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I have twin boys in middle school (my only two) and will be hugging them a little tighter when they get home from school today (their first day back!), as I know they too will be heading off to college in the blink of an eye. I’m sure you will cherish each moment with your remaining son at home. You have a beautiful family, thank you again for sharing them with us.
I am so approaching this stage of life and cried while reading. My son will be off to college next year. My daughter just started high school and my husband got offered a job in Palm Springs and will be commuting to San Diego. I’m not sure I like the quiet that will be descending upon me. It seems like in a blink of an eye I went from wanting just a few hours break to never wanting to let them go. Hang in there – maybe we can start an empty nest therapy group!
A beautiful family, pictures and story. Thank you Jeanette. Just another step in life and this too shall pass. Have a Wonderful Weekend.